The Name Game 2013

I was tempted to write about the historic, ground-breaking decision the Supreme Court handed down this week. I'm referring, of course, to Koontz v. St. Johns River Water Management District, in which Florida developer Coy Koontz, Sr., "filed suit under a state law that provides money damages for agency action that is an 'unreasonable exercise of the state’s police power constituting a taking without just compensation.'"

But as Ben Franklin famously sang two hundred thirty-seven years ago, "The things I write are only light extemporania. I won't put politics on paper; it's a mania. So I refuse to use the pen in Pennsylvania." Although in my case, I suppose it should be, "I won't put politics on the web; I warn ya. So I refuse to use the cal in Cali..." Never mind. That doesn't work.

What I mean to say is, I generally try to steer clear of politics on this blog. There's plenty of that on the Internet without me putting my oar in.

However, I couldn't help but notice that "Coy Koontz" is a pretty funny name, which reminded me that it's been well over a year since I first blogged about my hobby of collecting funny and unusual names. Since then, I've added quite a few to the list. As before, most of them come from court opinions and other government documents on the Internet, and are therefore a matter of public record.

What makes a name funny? I suppose that's subjective. Personally, I like alliteration. I find no humor in the name "Roy Koontz," but change the 'R' to a 'C' and I'm rolling on the floor. Here are a few more amusing alliterative appellations: "Lisa Lekumberry," "Libby Lum," "Travis Tinney," and my personal favorite, "Moe Mobasher." There's also poor "Johnson John," who, I imagine, must constantly have to correct people. ("No, no, no! It's Johnson John, not John Johnson!")

Some names just beg to be used in that novel that I will probably never write. For instance, "Ora Blodgett" and "Grubert Markley" could be a couple of dour Dickensian characters, while "Barry Derryberry" might be a merry fairy (or a not-so-merry undertaker).

"Archery Overstreet" could be a master spy or a 1930's detective, and "Sebastian Voth" should be a vampire or, at the very least, a comic book super villain.

Speaking of comic books, I recently came across a "Daisy Batman" and a "Harvey Birdman." (Didn't he once star in an animated series on the Cartoon Network?)

Finally, "Blonde Grayson Hall" is an attorney.

That's right—she's legally Blonde.