Saturday, March 28, 2020

The Coronavirus Circus


"People can start laughing for all sorts of reasons. But sometimes they laugh because, against all expectations, they’re still alive and have a mouth left to laugh with."—Terry Pratchett

How's everyone holding up?

We've been self-isolating for a week-and-a-half, and we're doing pretty well, all things considered. I'm grateful that I'm able to work from home—something I've always wanted to do. But in the end it's still work, isn't it? I'm still grateful for the weekend.

I'm also grateful for Loretta. I don't know what I'd do without her. The other day she went out to buy a few things at the grocery store during the hour they reserve for us seniors. I called out to her to be careful, which used to mean, "Watch out for crazy drivers," but now means, "Stay away from other people, and don't forget your disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer."

Loretta has tried to keep us both active, mentally and physically, by proposing games, jigsaw puzzles, walks, and other activities. She even has us trying to learn the steps to the Laurel and Hardy dance routine from Way Out West. It's her way of coping. In return, I've tried to keep her laughing. Laughter is my way of coping.

I try to find the humor in any situation, which is probably why I'm one of the few people left on the planet who still reads the funnies.

"What are 'the funnies?'" I hear some of you ask.

You know—the comics? In the newspaper?

"What's a newspaper?" I hear some of you ask.

Ask your grandparents.

It's remarkable how little the comics have been affected by the COVID-19 outbreak. Most of them have completely ignored it. I realize cartoonists create their strips in advance, but surely enough time has passed for the Bumsteads, the Flagstons, and the Forths to be self-isolating, and for Pig to spray Lysol into Rat's beer when he orders a Corona in Pearls Before Swine.

It makes me a little uneasy to see these characters continue to go about their business as if nothing has changed—just as it now makes me uneasy to see people not practicing social-distancing on television shows, no matter how long ago they were made. (Why are Andy and Barney always shaking hands, anyway? They've known each other for years.)

I think the award for first mention of the coronavirus in a comic strip should go to Scott Stantis, for his Prickly City strip from Friday, March 20th:



It wasn't very funny, but then Prickly City rarely is—as Stantis himself pointed out in Tuesday's strip:



One of my favorite comic strips is Darrin Bell's Candorville. Bell began to address the pandemic on Monday, with his characteristically wry humor. Here are his strips from Monday and Tuesday:




Family Circus has never attempted to be remotely topical, so I didn't expect it to mention the pandemic. However, because Monday's strip was just begging to be recaptioned, I couldn't resist remedying that situation:



Since then, I've made it my daily project to fix Family Circus to make it more relevant. Here's the rest of the week:











Hey, I know it's silly to be spending so much time on something so trivial, when things are so serious. But I'm hoping it gives the people who see it a well-needed laugh. If Jeff Keane sees it, I certainly hope he laughs, and doesn't sue me for copyright infringement. (Remember, Jeff—parody is fair use!)

If it didn't make you laugh, I hope you find something to laugh at. It's times like these we really need to keep our sense of humor, and remember that we're all in this together.

As long as we stay at least six feet apart.

Saturday, March 14, 2020

Panic!


Just kidding. Please don't.

When I started this blog, I chose the title "Don't Panic!" as an homage to one of my favorite writers, Douglas Adams, and as a promise to keep things light even when writing about serious subjects.

Subjects like the current global pandemic.

It is a serious subject, indeed. Every day we receive emails from businesses reassuring us that they are doing all they can to keep their customers and employees safe. Schools are closed, theaters are closed, amusement parks are closed.

Yes, even Disneyland is closed.

Loretta planned to go to Costco for a few things this week. Then we turned on the news and saw the mobs of people lined up to buy toilet paper. "It looks like the end of the world in there," said one shopper.

"Forget it," said Loretta.

On television, the people who tell us that above all we should not touch our faces are rubbing their eyes and putting their fingers in their mouths, and our president, who claims he knows more than anyone about every subject and has a "natural ability" when it comes to virus outbreaks, is, as usual, saying whatever stupid thing comes into his fat orange head.

Loretta and I were supposed to embark on a long-anticipated Caribbean cruise this Wednesday. That's obviously not happening, but we will attempt to make lemonade from the lemons life has handed us. To be more accurate, we will make limeade from the limes in our backyard, add some rum, and pretend we're in Jamaica.

In other words, we will do our best to keep our heads and make the best of the situation, and I advise you to do the same. If you're interested, here are some specific suggestions:
  • Don't join the hordes of hoarders at Costco. Stay home if you can; if you can't, at least try to stay away from crowds. 
  • Try not to touch your face. (It isn't easy. I touch my face all the time without thinking about it. When I do think about it, I suddenly get an itch. Maybe I should try one of those dog cones.)
  • Don't listen to bloviating blowhards who have "hunches." Listen to the experts. They're called "epidemiologists," and they work at places like the World Health Organization and the CDC.
  • Wash your hands. Wash them after you use the toilet. Wash them before eating. Wash them before touching your face. Wash them after touching your face—or after touching anything. Basically, when you're not doing something else, you should be washing your hands.

And above all, don't panic.