Many years ago, when I was a sophomore in college, a theatre classmate and I dreamed of someday writing a musical together. I would write the book and lyrics; he would compose the music. Obviously, we never realized our dream. Otherwise, I would be telling you about the invitation I just received to this year's Tony Awards.
But watching the last season of the NBC series Smash (before I lost interest and quit watching it) re-awakened the dream. Because if those two guys could realize their dream of their musical about—well, whatever their musical was about; I could never quite figure it out—surely I could realize my dream of my musical about whatever I decide my musical is going to be about.
Right now, I'm thinking Psycho.
"Now, hold on there," I hear the naysayers naysaying. "Making a musical about a murderous, knife-wielding psychopath is a terrible idea." Well, I have just two words for those sayers of nay: "Sweeney Todd."
Tony Awards, here I come.
Frankly, I'm surprised no one has thought of it before. I even googled "psycho musical" to see if someone else did think of it. I discovered that someone is currently developing a musical version of Bret Easton Ellis's novel, American Psycho, but apparently no one else has thought to produce a stage musical based on Alfred Hitchcock's seminal 1960 horror film.
Until now.
So far I have one number—well, one verse and a chorus. It's the song that Norman Bates sings to Marion Crane when he's checking her into the motel. The number really cries out for a big chorus, which is problematic, as there is no one on stage except Norman and Marion. However, I was thinking the chorus could be comprised of the stuffed animals in Norman's taxidermy collection, magically come to life (in Norman's mind, of course—for them to actually come to life would just be silly) to join Norman for the big, show-stopping, tap-dancing finale.
By the way, and on a completely unrelated subject, did you know that the title of a song can't be copyrighted?
Be Our Guest
[Norman:]
Welcome to the Bates Motel—
It's great to have you here.
You'll love it; it's a quiet spot.
The beds are soft; the water's hot.
And by the way, I nearly forgot:
Watch out for Mom—
At times she's a bit queer.
[Chorus:]
Be our guest! Be our guest!
Have a shower! Have a rest!
You'll never find a more inviting bed!
Here are towels! Here's a key!
Have a shower! Have a pee!
You'll sleep so well, you'll think that you are dead!
See you at next year's Tonys!
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| Marion sings the hauntingly beautiful Shower Lament. |
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