The Name Game

In an earlier post, I told you a little about my Aunt Vonna. In her later years, she worked for Lincoln National Life Insurance Company, where she began collecting unusual names. (One of her favorites was "Rollin A. Snoball.") Inspired by her, I started collecting names I came across while doing research for the tax software company where I work. Most of the following names come from court opinions, and are therefore a matter of public record. (Like everyone, I get lots of interesting names in my spam folder, but I suspect they are all made-up.)

I'm particularly fond of alliterative names: Aida Abiog, Bengt Bengtson, Beverly Bernice Bang, Benson B. Berry, Breece Bartle Bull, Buffy Bush, Brandon Buster, Curtis D. Custis, Faris Fink, George Georgeff, Geeti Ghose, Grid Glyer, Gloria Gong, Gregory Goosby, Holly Hops, Henry Hungerbeeler, Jerry DeJesus, Julie Jebe, Jerry Junker, Kendricks Kilcrease, Lonnie Lakes, Mary Midgett, Melony Mogg, Paulius Pitts, Robin Riblet, Tracey Topping, Winifred Wackman, Wickie Whalen, Willie Whipple.

Charles Dickens was a collector of odd names, and many of the names I have come across sound as if they might have come from one of his novels (or from a W.C. Fields or Marx Brothers movie): Fred Aftergut, Carolee Flygare Argyle, Muhammad Butt, Buddy Creech, Horace Crump, Whistle Currier, Welbon DeLon, Regina Dipple, Alduff Doody, Fuchon D. Drain, Remington P. Fairlamb, Bushwa Farmer, Stephen P. Fattman, Kendrix D. Feemster, Luckens Felix, Melody Fucaloro, Kevin A. Goon, Denelda Sims Goolsby, Cornish F. Hitchcock, Zellard Lemon, Worth Z. Ludwick, Veena Luthra, German Miranda, Benny Nipps, Thurman L. Phemister, Dan Pickell, Otis and Tabitha Pimpleton, Wonderlyn Lorraine Bell Pinckney, Ilya Roytburd, Sally Rudrud, Ion Semen, Roland Slugg, Agripina Smith, Marietta Squibb, Ronald Stinchcomb, Gregory Q. Teeters, Marshall Tingle, Sophie Tittle, Vicky Titsworth, Dempsie Word, Emory Zipperer.

Some names are cute: Forrest Bird, Birdie Felt, Brenda Dandy, Gigi DeVault, Misty Dewey, Haidee Joy, Constance Lovelady, Corky and Rocky Self. However, there's a fine line between cute and "what on earth were the parents thinking?": Wyn Dee Stone, Unique Parks, Uneek Lowe. (I guess Uneek's parents didn't think spelling her name in the traditional way was "unique" enough.) And it's hard to believe that two generations could make the same mistake, but a surprising number of funny names are juniors: Proctor Hug, Jr., Magellean Askew, Jr., Denver C. Snuffer, Jr., Insel V. Gaitor, Jr.

Finally, there are the odd and oddly fitting names: Philander Jenkins and Chucky Wanton are convicted criminals, while Willie Outlaw and Francis Bogus were caught cheating on their taxes. Brett Gumlaw and Brian A. Turney are, as you might guess, lawyers.

Come to think of it, because most of these names come from court opinions, quite a few of them belong to either criminals or lawyers.

I could be in big trouble.